tired

I am beginning to feel exhausted. The constant emotional and mental drains of working with people I cannot communicate with, people who need so much love, people who are broken and hurting. I feel as though I constantly need to give more. And I'm beginning to hit a point where I am doubting if I can do that. I sometimes get so tired that I decline the special needs' requests to dance or play. I feel bad about it, but at times it is just hard for me to continue giving.
I can't believe I've known these people for only six weeks, but I also can't believe I've already known them for six weeks. Things here seem timeless, other worldly and, at times, incredibly unimaginable (in both the best and worst ways). The beginning of this week has felt lonely and somewhat lost. Awkward. Things just don't seem to be flowing.
Monday night Shilu and I went to hogar to give Ivonneth some money for university as well as a textbook she needed. When she was walking us back to the bus stop with Pablo they were telling us that they didn't get anything to eat that evening. I just can't believe that. Even after everything that I know, it still blows my mind that these children and young adults are left without food, frequently. Shilu and I of course went and bought them dinner to bring back to all the boys, but I just have trouble wrapping my mind around the fact that a man who goes on exotic trips and drives some sort of fancy car and plays volleyball at the community fundraiser for his orphanage doesn't pay his employees and doesn't feed the children for whom he is supposedly 'taking care'. Although even the idea that he takes care of them is laughable.
English in Pachacutec this week went alright this week. The kids are so BAD but I think it's funny most of the time. Usually either Mary or I has to be constantly walking around the room disciplining while the other one teaches at the front, but it works for the most part. I love teaching with Mary! She just finished her teaching degree so she really likes it and she has such a good sense of humour but still manages to keep the kids in line, generally.
La Punta this week was good, the girls there say I'm getting better at dancing, so that's good haha. They listen to the funniest music but always make me smile. Joseline, one of the girls in my english group, is so sweet. I love her so much. I don't really know what her story is, but she is so bright and smart and I really hope that she manages to finish high school and get to uni.
This weekend is a long weekend for us volunteers because of Easter. Tomorrow we are all heading to Lunajuana, a town south of Lima, for a daytrip with the whole family. From there Mary and Shilu and I are busing down to Ica for the rest of the weekend to sandboard and see the Nasca lines. It should be fun, I'm excited but I'll miss the boys. Next week on Monday we are having a birthday party at La Punta and on Saturday we are hopefully taking some of the boys to the SCIENCE MUSEUM!!! Wow, Shilu and I are SO excited about that.
I'm continuing to grow and learn. I am being stretched in many new and uncomfortable ways.